I want to change and I will change. Things just happen to make me realise I have been really stupid. It is like I have been blindfolded all this while and only now did the blindfold came loose. Situations just happen to make me rethink.

My brother asked me before. Why do I work so hard to please people? Why do I even bother if they probably wont even remember and just take advantage of me. My reply used to be, cause I believe that if I am nice to someone, that person will be nice to me and even if that person dont remember, I am still happy bringing cheer to someone else's life.
And my brother would say that I am too naive and ignorant. I will just shrugged my shoulders and choose not to believe him.

Now, I began to question myself. Why be nice to these people who are only going to step all over me and play with my feelings? Why is it that I always try to please them and make them happy? Do they even care about my happiness? Why am I such a stupid girl who allow people to take advantage of me just because I am naive and ignorant. Why did the blindfold just slipped off only now?

All these questions coursed through my mind. Leaving my heart in shatters. Do these people that I care about care about me? Do they even know who I really am? I think not.

And I blame myself for being such an easy to please girl. For being such a stupid stupid girl. As the day passes, I only get more hurt. Maybe, if I was thick-skinned, maybe then I wouldn't care and maybe at the same time I would not be so stupid. I would have a brain of my own and think for myself. If I was thick-skinned and I hurt you, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid! But I am not. I am not a robot. I have feelings and it hurts to be feeling all these feelings. Why do I have to be soo freaking sensitive? So freaking weak?

I feel so hurt. So weak and numb. It is like I am moving through liquid, breathing in water, and drowning.

Have I been stupid?