I ♥ Jesus!

♥ Friday, December 26, 2008

When ice skating today! I know I am going round and round in circles but it is fun! It is fun to just glide on the ice. Going faster and faster! The exhilaration! The rushing of the wind in your ear...

Oh, my younger cousin is like so pro! He dare to jump and try spinning on the ice. I dont dare to jump with the skates cause I'm afraid I might fall. And I can hear my dad saying, ' If you dont step out of your fear you will never learn anything new.' (or something like that)

But I tried spinning around like those professional skaters that were skating there too. They twirl beautifully. Not like my clumsy spinning around in circle.

I dont know how I managed it but when I saw my cousin jumping and spinning I suddenly lost my balance and fell hard on the ice. So embarrassing! Falling down while standing still. Half my body went numb for awhile. But my sister did an even more embarrassing thing then me. Skating too fast and crashing into my cousin and he tried to stop her from crashing into him and erm...wont say anything else.

But it was really fun to be with them cause they are really fun and I really think my sec 1 cousin is good at many things and he thought that I was only one year older than him. How I wish. I haven seen them for a really long time actually if you count one year as long.

I guess it is sad when you are not close to your cousins cause I have alot of cousins. But I dont know all of them. Even my cousin who is in the same school as me. I didn't even talk to her yesterday. I remember when we were younger, I was much closer to her than any other cousins but now, I guess people just change.

Today, I was just thinking about my cell group. And we are not all that close. I dont feel the closeness. I dont know about the others but I just feel that we are mini groups in a group just like there are cliques in a class. I dont really know all of them well though we know each other for more than 3 years. I accept the fact that we are closer to one person than the other. There is nothing wrong, it is just that I realised that I dont really know all of them that well. I dont know their preference and all of us are just so different. It is just like we see each other on Sundays and after that is bye, see you next week. I ignored it at first but after awhile it gets infuriating. Why aren't we close at all just like a real family? I prayed and asked God to make all of us closer. Help me to understand when I dont understand. To have the patience cause we all come from different background with different point of view. And I wonder, why is it so much easier to be with your school friends then to be a family? I dont know if the rest thinks the same but this is how I feel.

Dear God, I pray that you will be the cord that binds us together. In Jesus name, Amen.

I also thought of our cell leader, Evan. Cause I think she is wonderful. I know many times we have done things to hurt her, to test her patience but she did not give up on us. I dont know how many times she wanted to quit but you know what? She continued to be our leader, to teach us the word of God. Dont know how many times she was discouraged but she still find the strength to encourage all of us. She takes lift to do things with us like the BBQ we just had recently. I really think she have alot of patience. She is just like my Purah when he encourages Gideon. Not anything in the eyes of the world but plays a big part in my world. Cause she encourages me with God's word. One thing she did recently that really touched me was when I told her about my netball try outs she called me on the phone and prayed for me. I just thought that nobody would care about this and I really didn't believe in myself, she called and she prayed and I cried though I dont let her know it cause it is rather embarrassing. I just really thank God for her.

And also I thank God for my mother. I fight with her alot and I mean it is like almost everyday. Even my brother say that he cannot get by one day without me and my mother fighting. I really just cant stand her asking me stupid questions like who am I going out with. I find it very irritating. I know she is just concern for me. It is my fault, so I just have to change my mind set. Whenever we fight, she always say that I only remember the bad things she have done. But I beg to differ. I try not to remember the bad things she have done. I dont know why every time my mother and I fight I would end up crying. Every time, we fight, I believe I hate my mother. I accuse her of not understanding me but neither do I understand her. Our most recent fight was on Christmas eve. She scolded me that as a girl I should help out in the house work and not laze around and she started recounting her past on how as a child she had a hard life. Then I will argue back and say she is living in the past. Then she will say, any normal daughter would help her mother when she sees her mother doing the housework. Then I would retort and say I am not any normal daughter. And we will continue arguing and then she will say stuff that really just pull at my heart strings and I cry. We were actually suppose to do Christmas shopping. But after our quarrel, I was so mad that I refuse to go out with her. So she left. Then after awhile, she sms my sister saying that she was sorry and asked whether or not we would still like to go out with her. I was surprised! The very first time she said sorry. Of course I forgive her and I will forget everything that happen above.

I really thank God for my mum lar. She may be the most infuriating person in the world but she does try hard to be better. Like how I notice she will cook my favourite food and she would try to soften her tone when asking me to do something. And though she fails at times and we get into a heated dispute, she will still ask me later on, Do I love her. Of course I would be shy lar! So I would be like Ya la! Then she would like see lar! This kind of girl! But she didn't say it meanly. And we would be okay and friends again. You know, I think that as we fight, we only grow stronger together and try hard to understand each other. Instead of keeping it inside, I'm glad I unleash my anger.

Oh yah! My dad said that I remind him of my aunty Linda. I asked how so but he didn't reply. I guess it is a good thing cause I like my aunty!

I Lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross