♥ Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Early this morning...my phone when, "oreta awai tsubasa kimi wo sugoshi...."means there was a sms for me.
I got a sms from my dad!
He wrote a short story for me. More like an analogy.
There was an explorer who went on an expedition and he came upon a cave. It was a very dark cave. From a distance, it looked very mysterious. But the weather was turning stormy and rain looks imminent. He had to make a decision. Go in or not. Fear and yet being an explorer, he very much want to look and explore this cave. If he move due to fear, then he may never find out the mystery in this cave. But if he move in, what is there or would it be disappointing? Relationship is such!
This is the short anecdote. Reading it, I did not understand it at first. Do you understand? Maybe due to the limitations of sms, my father wasn't able to type properly so maybe it is abit unclear. So I asked my dad to explain.
His reply was:
Will you stand afar and not move to discover another person? Will you only just look and wish for a closer relationship? But it wouldn't happen! Cause relationships takes action and time and effort to cultivate. But fear of disappiontment and rejection sometimes cause inaction and that impedes a relationship.
I know he is trying to tell me something through the anecdote and that is how my dad is. Always teaching us lessons through short little stories. But I know this story he purposely made up to tell me. I understand his reply. I guess he knows how I feel about our relationship. I suppose whatever he said hits home.
Its fear that prevents me from getting to know my father better cause I'm afraid. From disappointment...from rejection...I totally hate being rejected. And I guess I am the one who builts up the wall between my father and I. I guess relationship is like waiting for a tree to grow up to become big and strong. It takes time to cultivate...and lots of love and no fear...I understand what my father is really trying to tell me.
You know, recently, i decided to help out in sunday school. And on my first sunday, I went to observe...when it came the time to go home, all the little kids would wait for their parents to come and fetch them. When they see their parents, they would just rush into their parents waiting arms, abandoning everything else. They was this K1 girl, she is very cute! When he father came she stop talking to me and just run to her father.
And there as I watch her, I saw me when I was younger but I felt really sad. I remember I used to attend sunday school as well, everytime, my father would be the one to pick me up. Everytime once sunday school was over, I would see my father standing there in a corner watching and smiling at me. I would forget to say bye to my teachers and just rush towards my dad. I was very very happy!
I also saw a little boy. His name was Matthew. All his friends have been picked up by their parents and he was just sitting there alone. So I just asked him where his parents were. I know it is a stupid question cause he would not know either. But I just wanted to struck a conversation with him. I remember that there were times when I was the only one left and tears were just at the back of my eyes as a scan frantically among the parents to find my father. And then...I finally found him!!! And he is just smiling there laughing at my blurness and calling me "sasa" I'm too happy to argue that I am not blur. Then my dad asked me whether I was crying and I said no cause I'm too proud to admit that I was about to cry! Haha! Those were the days....my treasured memories!
I Lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross