Warning: I'm going to emo so dont read if you dont like to read emo stuff but I really need to get it out of my system.


Haven't really felt like myself this past few days. Feeling very lethargic. I must be crazy of thinking of jumping infront of a car and let it hit me. But I am too much of a coward to do that so I won't go jumping infront of cars. Nothing really amuse me this past few days. Maybe I'm still shaken for being late for church. I'm just glad Evan waited for me. Just feel very empty. How can the sky this morning be so blue and calm went my life is not? I would have preferred it to rain to match my mood. Maybe I need to sleep. Sometimes I wonder why am I doing the things I am doing? What is my purpose of doing? I wish there was training today. But I understand my coach has something on and I'm glad he bought for us pizza even though it was filled with chilli, the thought really counts. He is really not a bad coach. He shouts and push us cause he wants us to win as much as we want to win. Maybe during training I wont feel so lethargic and stupid. At least I have a goal to focus on. To sweat out the tiredness. I really dont mind stinking like a pig after training. When I exercise, I dont think much. I just focus on what I am doing. I really love netball. The feeling of the ball in my palms. I dont know, it just feels great. I guess my love for the game is enough to pull me through the loneliness I feel. Though it takes a lot of courage. I hope PE tomorrow will be full of running.