♥ Sunday, May 27, 2007
Hey!!! I'm back from my second camp! Glad to be home and it is just the beginning of june hols!!! YEAH!!! During the 2nd camp which is encounter was great and tha lodging was great!!! Air-con, great bed,clean toilets...hahas! Jealous? Really learn lots of great things there. But i still need working in hearing God's voice and i really want him to use me and lead my life. I so dont want to go the wrong way and neither do i want to choose the path of lease resistence. And one thing great!!! I got to speak in tongues!!! Hahas...happy! :D
The bad thing is that there were only 10 beds and 11 ppl. So of course one would not have a bed. And guess...i'm the one without any bed to sleep on. Haix...then i got to trouble my frenz and ask them to share their bed with me. So 2 beds join together and 3 ppl can sleep. I agree to sleep in the middle as there is a bump and i am the extra person so the lease i could do is sleep in the most uncomfortable place. The frenz i asked to`share beds were relunctant to share their beds with me but they did not say out loud but their reaction can tell already. So i just ignored it and went to sleep. slept for awhile then i woke up. I found out they were not sleeping yet and were whispering somewhere...i cant help but feel that they are complaining about me.
Then where do they want me to sleep?! On the floor? I could not sleep after that as i feel uncomfortable sleeping alone on 2 beds and lied down waiting for them to sleep. After a long time, they still have not sleep i became really agigtated and started crying softly of course. I really want them to sleep already. I feel weird when they are not sleeping and i feel bad that i am taking away their bed. They really did not sleep for a really long time and so i decided that if they do not sleep, i would not sleep. So i got up and stayed in a corner away from them. Somehow, i really feel rejected by them. Then they came and saw me there and ask me why aren't i sleeping. I throw their question back at them and they tell me they are not sleepy. I cant believe them. I cant! And they avoided telling me the truth which hurts even more. Cant they just tell me that i am extra? Though i noe the truth hurts, the lie hurts even more. I wanted to cry but u noe, i dont like crying infront of ppl. And to think that if i cry infront of them they will think i'm a pig. So they say they still love me. Then show me for crying out loud!!! Dont treat me as if i'm the odd ball!!! So yeah they agreed to sleep. But still, peace weren't there. Its as if i feel that they are still blaming me cos they keep tossing and turning alot. U noe, i think u may think i am a jerk cos i cannot be easily satisfied...but...nvm.
I just dont feel that they love me lah. Its only 2 of them and i noe i cant make everyone in the world like me but the thing is that they are my sisters in christ and of course i so wanna please them.
The next day, one of them ignored me totally the next day. She did not even acknowledge me. haix...trust me never to believe wat they say. I wish she would speak to me or just give me a small smile but she just look at me and turn away. Of course i dont go up and say hi to her though i probably noe i shud have done that but it was hard okay. Being ignored. It just hurts!!!
The next night i slept with different group of ppl and i'm so glad that they accept me. Though abit relunctant they didn't behave like the other two i slept with. So i had a more enjoyable 2nd night!
I want to noe the 1st two that i slept with on the 1st night. I want to get to noe them better. God u got to help me. I think that there are some reasons they dont like me but just pretending to cos they have to. Can i just say WATEVA!!! God help. I noe the only thing is to pray. So i will do just that.
I Lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross